One of the panelists at a session at the recent Agudath Israel of America convention related to mental health was Rav Moshe Weinberger shlit"a, veteran Rebbe and Agudah Rav in Brooklyn, NY, as well as a longtime summer camp head counselor.
I would like to share some of his wisdom, wit, and good humor here.
"Today every Rebbe knows that he's in charge of the mental health of his talmidim." (3:15 -).
(Partially translated from Yiddish) My father didn't have time to have OCD, my father didn't have time to think if he had self esteem or not (36:50).
Today there is tremendous pressure.
On what a Rebbe can do to prevent mental issues 53:05 -
Rav Weinberger shlit"a commented with regard to three common conditions - self esteem, anxiety, and depression.
Self esteem - You have to acknowledge and relate to the children as individuals (check out the recording for details and examples).
Anxiety - With regard to tests, he says to students, it is a mark on the paper, not a mark on you. He will never write a failing mark on a paper. One of his fellow Rabbeim refers to tests as חזרה.
Depression - Speaks of the greatness of the sefer מסילת ישרים, it teaches that everyone is measured with their own measuring stick, and competition is only with what you can be.
The classroom and the house have to be happy places.
Torah was built in the United States with simcha, passion, vigor, and optimism (in name of his Rebbe, Rav Avrohom Chaim Levin z"l, who was just niftar) (57:40).
May we be zoche to have more Rabbeim like Rav Weinberger shlit"a, and to hear more of his wisdom and wit, לאורך ימים ושנים טובות.
(For more flavor and detail, check out the recording.)
Thursday, November 29, 2018
Monday, November 26, 2018
The Personal מוכיח - A Worthy Idea
Personal trainer.
Personal shopper.
Personal רבי.
Personal מוכיח?
In a recent (dated November 16/9 Kislev 5779) issue of Yated Ne'eman (USA), in an article by Tzvi Yaakovson, it was related (p.41) in a segment entitled "A PAID CRITIC", that R. Nosson Wachtfogel ז"ל, mashgiach of בית מדרש גבוה in NJ, paid a generous monthly salary to a yungerman, who was assigned to visit him once a week, and deliver criticism and הוכחה.
It was a pleasant surprise to see that.
I had, of course, known of the famous story of the Vilna Gaon asking the Dubno magid to give him mussar. A shining example of the humility, and search for truth, of the Vilna Gaon. Also, in פרק ו:ו of מסכת אבות we are taught that one of the things that Torah is acquired by is אוהב את התוכחות, loving rebuke (as the posuk in Mishlei says, הוכח לחכם ויאהבך, rebuke the wise and he will love you).
But I don't recall hearing recently of someone designating someone to rebuke him regularly, and even paying him for it. Wow!
I don't know where Rav Nosson got the idea, the practice from. Kelm? Elsewhere?
Yes, in the past, especially in old mussar yeshivas, there were frameworks for personalized mussar, rebuke. Novhardok had something called a birzhe, which I believe could serve that purpose, for one example. But that was between fellow talmidim, not from a paid outsider.
Some Chasidim have, or recommend, personal משפיעים, which could encompass mussar giving.
Anyway, since we are in a time when some people claim that no one can give תוכחה nowadays, even basing their contention on Jewish sources, which, along with the outside influences of attitudes like "mind your own business", and "none of your business", can lead to there being sometimes situations of הפקרות and extreme lack of rebuke, it it is especially pleasant to see that the idea of personal תוכחה has not entirely disappeared.
Perhaps the tzibur at large should consider such frameworks for personal tochacha once again.
Another thought that came to me was that in addition to תוכחה being important for everyone, perhaps there is a special need for it among מנהיגים, our dear leaders, especially in certain settings. In addition to their being in positions of power and influence, where errors can be more costly and damaging R"L than with lesser individuals, there is also a danger of people being afraid of, or reluctant to take issue with them, fearing that it would be disrespectful and improper, leading to them perhaps lacking at times vital feedback.
For all of the above reasons, it seems like an idea worthy of serious consideration, that people (especially leaders) should consider emulating R. Nosson z"l to some extent, in one way or another, and make efforts to solicit rebuke on occasion, and not just surround themselves with yes men.
(I understand that sometimes people like spouses or chavrusas can play this role as well, but sometimes they don't at all, or do so inadequately.)
In the merit of pursuing truth and loving tochacha, may we be zoche to acquire Torah and Emes.
Personal shopper.
Personal רבי.
Personal מוכיח?
In a recent (dated November 16/9 Kislev 5779) issue of Yated Ne'eman (USA), in an article by Tzvi Yaakovson, it was related (p.41) in a segment entitled "A PAID CRITIC", that R. Nosson Wachtfogel ז"ל, mashgiach of בית מדרש גבוה in NJ, paid a generous monthly salary to a yungerman, who was assigned to visit him once a week, and deliver criticism and הוכחה.
It was a pleasant surprise to see that.
I had, of course, known of the famous story of the Vilna Gaon asking the Dubno magid to give him mussar. A shining example of the humility, and search for truth, of the Vilna Gaon. Also, in פרק ו:ו of מסכת אבות we are taught that one of the things that Torah is acquired by is אוהב את התוכחות, loving rebuke (as the posuk in Mishlei says, הוכח לחכם ויאהבך, rebuke the wise and he will love you).
But I don't recall hearing recently of someone designating someone to rebuke him regularly, and even paying him for it. Wow!
I don't know where Rav Nosson got the idea, the practice from. Kelm? Elsewhere?
Yes, in the past, especially in old mussar yeshivas, there were frameworks for personalized mussar, rebuke. Novhardok had something called a birzhe, which I believe could serve that purpose, for one example. But that was between fellow talmidim, not from a paid outsider.
Some Chasidim have, or recommend, personal משפיעים, which could encompass mussar giving.
Anyway, since we are in a time when some people claim that no one can give תוכחה nowadays, even basing their contention on Jewish sources, which, along with the outside influences of attitudes like "mind your own business", and "none of your business", can lead to there being sometimes situations of הפקרות and extreme lack of rebuke, it it is especially pleasant to see that the idea of personal תוכחה has not entirely disappeared.
Perhaps the tzibur at large should consider such frameworks for personal tochacha once again.
Another thought that came to me was that in addition to תוכחה being important for everyone, perhaps there is a special need for it among מנהיגים, our dear leaders, especially in certain settings. In addition to their being in positions of power and influence, where errors can be more costly and damaging R"L than with lesser individuals, there is also a danger of people being afraid of, or reluctant to take issue with them, fearing that it would be disrespectful and improper, leading to them perhaps lacking at times vital feedback.
For all of the above reasons, it seems like an idea worthy of serious consideration, that people (especially leaders) should consider emulating R. Nosson z"l to some extent, in one way or another, and make efforts to solicit rebuke on occasion, and not just surround themselves with yes men.
(I understand that sometimes people like spouses or chavrusas can play this role as well, but sometimes they don't at all, or do so inadequately.)
In the merit of pursuing truth and loving tochacha, may we be zoche to acquire Torah and Emes.
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